i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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