I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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