R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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