you guys were way drunker than both of me
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
