your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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