Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
