He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
