The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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