You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
