Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
