let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
