dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
