How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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