Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
