I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
