the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
