I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize