You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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