Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
