I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
