At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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