shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
