The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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