it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
