"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
