You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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