ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
last night I used snow as a chaser
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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