Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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