Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just want to make out with him forever
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
