a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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