i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You left your phone here
Wait...
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