I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
