Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Randomize
