where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
