You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
