Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it hurts more in the daytime
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
