we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
