sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
