Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize