Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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