O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
