so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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