I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
