I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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