just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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