I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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