I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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