were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you would pick up someone in the library
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize