Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize