I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
