I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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