hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
