I wish I could punch you in the face.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The beer is more important than you right now.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
