i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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