New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
