So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
