And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
