i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
