remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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