Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
