"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize