dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
