i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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