I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
