this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
