3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
