I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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