So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize