You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize