All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
