worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
